When we say “I need to change this, that or the other” most people would respond – even if only to themselves, that it is not possible. This is a lie we keep telling ourselves, because it is easier to not change. I have been coaching for over six years now and with every client I have witnessed the change they create within themselves. I have had four coaches in the last 6 years and I have experienced the amazing power of creating change in my own life.
When we have a really big desire for making changes in our lives, we will find a way to make it happen. The commitment, based on the desire for change, is half the battle won. We make the choice, we take the responsibility and we take on the journey. We take an honest look at what is currently going on and we create a vision of what this change looks like, feels likes, creates in us and then we take the steps to go from where we are to where the changed us, is.
We live in a world of change, the weather is changing, the economies of the world are constantly changing, our circumstances, our bodies and our experiences’ are constantly changing and through this we are constantly becoming wiser, more knowledgeable and the need for us to changes becomes more and more necessary.
We desire change on many levels. In our relationship with a partner we may be looking to create a meaningful connection on an emotional level, with our kids we may want to create meaningful communication, on a personal level you may want to get out of bed, every day, with gratitude in your heart. The change we desire may be on a business level where we might be looking for a whole new career. The desire might be to communicate with our teams more effectively. The list is endless.
The change needs to start inside of us and work its way to the outside. Albert Einstein very wisely said, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved on the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” Jim Rohn said “You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.”
So, if lasting positive change is going happen, we need to acknowledge that we are where we are now, due to our own doing – we cannot play the blame game. We have to be honest and very aware of where we are now, what we are doing now, what the outcomes are every day and then we need to take a look at who we want to be in the future. All this involves letting go of the need to control everything – except ourselves. Once we are able to take this great responsibility the positive change will start happening.
You are very aware, I am sure, of where are you feeling dissatisfied, where there may be dissonance in your life, where you are stuck or whatever it may be for you. You have identified the challenges. Now take the time to take a deep level look at where you are now (the starting point of your journey). Once you are clear on this take time to consider where you would like to be in the future (your vision)? Remember this is the picture (vision) of the puzzle you are going to be building (the journey you will be going on). Be very specific and add the detail, in both cases. If for instance, you feel you are not being a good leader and you are not getting the results from your team that you should be, think about who you would be when you are a great leader? Consider what your role would be in achieving the goal? How would you function? How would you feel? How would your team function? The gap is where the work will be done. This where taking on a coach can make huge difference in how long it will take for you to achieve your goals.
It is true for any job or career that our ability to succeed greatly depends on whether our values and passions are aligned with what is required of us. Taking a good hard look at what we really value will shed light on why we find it hard to be effective in some instances.
We need to take the time to discover who we really are, what matters to us, what we are passionate about and what we value. Are our needs, values and passions showing up in our lives? If they don’t, there is sure to be dissonance.
If being a really good parent is of great value to you then what are you willing to do and not do in order to be a parent that is there for your kids, in every possible way? What needs to change and are you willing to make the necessary changes in how you are being? Are you willing to do things differently? Are the things you need to do aligned with your values and what you are passionate about? What are you willing to take on and what are you willing to give up?
Change is very possible but it is not easy. We will need to do things differently to get different results, and that alone is very challenging. We need to be clear on what we want and on how we will support ourselves when our negative inner voice tells us we can’t do this, when our friends and family doubt our ability to achieve our goals. We need to take proactive action to stop these saboteurs in their tracks. In the act of noticing when we ourselves or others are sabotaging our efforts we begin to empower ourselves to make truly conscious decisions that will result in positive, lasting change in our lives.
“Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.” - ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, Stephen Covey
Life will go on like normal and will be throwing things our way. That’s just life. We cannot control life but we can control how we react to it. When we achieve that place of being really aware and in the moment, we can learn not to react to reality where there is no reaction needed.
Lastly, some thoughts on perspective and attitude. How we view the world or any given situation will dictate our effectiveness and our state of mind. Change your attitude and you not only change the way you see things, you will change your reality. If you approach your life as being unfulfilled, that perspective will trickle down into everything you do. Try a new perspective on, one that will work in alignment with your goals and desires.
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”- William James/US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist
Taking on this journey of desired change from the inside out means that we lay the foundation for a mind-set that allows us to make lasting changes that creates a life filled with meaning. Once the inner work is done, it will spill over and the outer changes will grow. You will be authentic, grounded and people will be drawn to the new you. You will see opportunities all around you and you will keep growing and changing. The work you do on this journey to change will affect all areas of your life, not just the ones that you set out to change originally. The vision you create of what this changed you will look like will become your reality now.